It was golden.
Before emptying my mind, I first have to thank Momma Lappe for her Momday posts—I hope you all love and appreciate them as much as I do. She held down the Happy Lappe fort, just as she does so effortlessly, while I struggled to even put one thought together.
You see, I started Happy Lappe a little over a year ago when the chaos in my mind needed to be unleashed; or, really as a way to soothe it from the chronic pain I’ve been managing. Truth be told I had no idea what the goal was besides just starting it. And, to be truthful once again, I still don’t. But since I started Happy Lappe approaching a new age, I’ll sum up another year around the sun once again and look back on what 31 gave me.
But before we do, I should recap my Golden Year post—which essentially just highlighted my encounter with chronic pain and how it seemed to consume my start as a 30-year-old. And reflecting on 30, it’s without a doubt been my most frustrating and trying year. Maybe, too, because I never thought I’d be dealing with the word “chronic”—at least until I was at least 80, or so I hoped.
But life had different plans, like it always does. And the health conditions I associated chronic with must’ve made “chronic pain” invisible to me, just as it appears invisible to others. I’m usually pretty darn good with my words but chronic pain is so damn difficult to explain. I mean, how can you put words to a condition that has no rhyme or reason and no signs of existence to anyone other than myself? Age 30, and part of 31, felt like I was trying to convince myself and others that it was real by going through x-rays, MRIs, nerve conduction studies, blood tests, you name it. But other than a wonky EMG, I was “healthy.”
Tangled up in this confusion and frustration eventually unraveled itself to now, approaching a new year with a fresher mindset but feeling thankful for 31. I once thought, “How in the hell am I supposed to appreciate my body when it’s not cooperating with me?” But now, I look back on what it’s given me during my “golden year” and what I’m blessed it still allows me to do:
Explore new places with family and make mEmories.
Plow through endless cups of coffee and bowls of oats.
Trial movements that give me comfort.
Meet and work with fantastic healthcare providers.
Create content [that hopefully helps others] for a living.
Be the proudest aunt and write Em a birthday book.
Transform said book into a coloring book with all profits donated to St. Jude’s—which is still available here if interested :)
Share and celebrate another birthday with my best friend.
And, most importantly to me, hug my loved ones tight and love them harder.
Of course, this list is not exhaustive but it does represent the wholesomeness of age 31. Really, I’ve stopped focusing on the “what chronic pain has taken from me” to what it’s allowed me to keep doing and even added.
And to end with a line from Em’s book, “Life’s what you make of it; there’s so much to see and do. Imagine, dream, and create to see where life takes you…” Age 32, you’re adding another “Emaginative” year to my life and I’m excited to see where you take me.
To everyone, thank you for making it this far with me. <3